Today..is a well-deserved holiday...for me, that is. I thought i could get something out of this but well...maybe not. Like i said earlier, I much, much prefer school days...BUT a holiday in the middle of the week is .. quite rewarding...

I went to Mid Valley today. Much to my dislike, cause I had to go out with my mom. Not to say I don't like the very being of her at all. It's her attitude I can't stand. Seriously, I have to load myself with expressos [mind you, not to drink, but to douse her with] if I ever want to see a smile cracking up that scowl.

And they say I'm an ungrateful child.....

I want her to be happy. I want her to be carefree. I want her not to worry so much over the littlest littlest things in life, such as things that may go wrong, say, spilling a crumb of biscuit, etc. and make so much fuss out of eating vegetables. Obviously, if she's not already NOTICED, my sister and I have taken a liking to green vegetables. SO DON'T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE WE DREAD THEM!
"Goh Chai Leng, your greens ah!" Take your greens! Why aren't you eating your greens? (note the negativity. Instead of going on the fence and ASKING if I have eaten, she ALWAYS, ALWAYS assumes that I NEVER touched the green stuff.)

Life can be really complicated. Sorry, [MY] life can be really complicated.

Proceeding with the mall thing, she is like the WORST shopping partner EVER! Knowing my mom, I should ALWAYS walk behind her in case she gets interested(or shall i say, distracted) by some funny thing on the side. She scowls at whatever i say, she furrows her eyebrows at my decisions, etc. etc. etc.! AND, there was one point I just trudged forward, not caring if she follows anymore. Besides, she's interested in her own affairs, as always.

Obviously, I would have loved a shopping companion rather than go alone. But she doesn't care whether I get lost or not. Seems that NOW she acknowledges that I'm finally adult enough to take care of myself.

Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. PUSHING ASIDE the shopping affair, it's that LOOK ON HER FACE. Ugh! That condescending, patronizing look on her face that says "Gosh, you're such a disgrace (to what, I don't the hell know...)".

...I really think it's that....message she sent me on MSN... I think she disgusts me for putting THAT one aside. But what she said to me was influenced by my CAPTION of a million months ago. You know, the MSN doesn't really update the captions till that person comes online, right? Yeah. So I guess I must've said I was bored of life till she decided she wants to join in my pitiful statement and try to make me a better person.

BULLshit.

I know she doesn't want to get her hands dirty. She only wants me to build an image that is acceptable from public views. She doesn't know the turmoil that builds in this very vessel of my soul. Of course, the obvious in-your-face reason is I don't tell her. Hell, that would be a BIG mistake. Knowing her and her know-it-all attitude, I'd rather let her be. Stats: Loves to jump to conclusions, always knows what's right, always criticize me for my actions or behaviour, etc..

Really, would this ever make me a strong person emotionally? In the now, I don't really have any emo support in this house, that's why I hardly talk..

My sister : Doesn't really want to give a damn, also inherited the trait of NOT LISTENING PROPERLY to my little complaints, and also too busy to even care.

My dad: ALREADY busy with so many things, the only things he'd want to worry about are his routines. And Chinese dramas.

My maid : Bad option. Known for letting me down ALL the time, never ever thinking that I did the right thing. Very behind time, too. And irritating.

See it all now? so...this is where i really need my friends...